This story first appeared in Maisonneuve last summer. It was recorded in my kitchen, read by John Dunhill, Famous Actor and my apartment building’s caretaker. I’d been wanting to collaborate with John for a long time. He’s been in movies, mostly terrible, with Johnny Depp, Michael Caine, and Gerard Butler. He played one of the elders of Sparta in 300. He also plays a corpse convincingly, which is apparently hard to do. He’s the kind of guy who tells you stories that sound like the most obvious kind of bullshitting, and then they turn out to be true. For instance, he changed one of his dogs’ names from Walter to Johnny, after his good buddy Johnny Depp. Yeah, okay. But then I watched Secret Window, and there he is with a screwdriver stuck in his head, being pushed over a cliff by America’s moody darling. (I would have posted a spoiler alert, but honestly this movie is so bad that I am probably doing you a favour if this prevents you from watching it.)
Some things about John that are probably true:
- Albert Camus once told him he was the quintessential “homme revolte”
- He has a white pitbull named Blanco. This dog’s head is the size of a bowling ball. Sometimes he sings “Have I Told You Lately That I Love You” to the dog (this is definitely true, I’ve heard it).
- He knows the true story of Charlie Manson and Sharon Tate.
- He played Gogo in a production of Waiting for Godot directed by Samuel Beckett.
Anyway, I recorded him reading this story I wrote.
The drawing is by the wonderful Sarah Pupo (as is my header image).