The Eagle & The Weasel

I'd prefer not to

Tag: Uncanny valley

Cut the Deck

During a slow period at work I’m shuffling a deck of cards. A customer asks if I want to play High Card Low Card. How do you play? I don’t know, he says, why don’t you cut the deck. I draw a card from the top of the first stack. It’s the ace of spades. You’re in trouble, I tell him. He draws the card from the top of the second stack. It’s the ace of clubs. We’re both weirded out for a bit, and then someone orders a latte and I have to make it.

On Coincidence

Many years ago a friend of mine bought a plant. Because it was the 90s and things were whimsical, she named it Francois. Not that long after, she met someone, a fellow artist, who was also named Francois. Because it was the 90s and things were whimsical, they agreed to send art to each other in the mail, even though they lived in the same city. When the first envelope arrived from Francois, my friend saw his last name for the first time. It was Laplante.

At this point the obvious next line is “and they are still one of the happiest couples I know.” But my friend didn’t really like the guy so much. After struggling with what seemed like her destiny for a while, she said Fuck it. Some signs are big enough that you can ignore them.

Barnyard

At a party, some friends taught me this parlour game where basically one person thinks of a word, and everyone else tries to guess it.  There’s a few more details than that, but that’s the essence of it.  The word I picked was “barnyard.”  A few nights later, a couple of us were at a different party, and we taught everyone else the game.  When it was my friend Sean’s turn to pick a word, he picked “barnyard.”  He hadn’t been there the first time.

The weird thing is, no one seems to think this is as weird as I do.  Sean and I keep making the same joke: I mean, how many words are there?  At least twenty.

Do you think this means we’re meant to be together? Sean asked me.  He’s joking about the part about us being together, but maybe not about the part of me thinking it.  But if we’re psychically connected, that seems like a really bad idea.

My friend once went on a date with a woman who claimed to be psychic.  Only one date, because as he saw it, either she’s not psychic, therefore she’s either a liar or very deluded, or she is actually psychic, in which case the relationship wouldn’t last long at all once she started getting all up in his thoughts.

Come on, I said, what do you really think about that’s so bad?  In any case, if you date someone long enough, you will start to think you know what they’re thinking, even if you’re wrong.  It won’t matter how wrong you are.  It’s all for the worst.  We make our own psychic connections.

I think that maybe another way of saying this is “barnyard.”

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